The Call of Jael: When You Don’t Fit the Mold

Mar 25
7 min read

Inside a women's leadership event...

All rooms are quiet this morning in this Airbnb as I sit here at the dining table. Today is the day after the Jael event, a unique and powerful two-day women’s conference, hosted by Colette Toach.

As I sip my early morning brew and digest the past few days of this not-so-ordinary trip of mine, I feel compelled to write to you because what I’ve just witnessed, as someone who is usually found camping out on the back row, was truly extraordinary.

Have you ever been in a position where you knew you were called but struggled with feeling disconnected from others in church leadership because your calling didn’t look anything like theirs so then you began to doubt your calling when you couldn’t fit their mold?

I think that has been the most difficult aspect of my journey to leadership this far—seeing that what I carried did not fit in with traditional church culture like everyone else’s seemed to.

In fact, I am not even called to the pulpit, but rather to the trenches.

I represent the leader who will set up camp outside the parameters of the traditional church in order to take out the enemy, and then build and establish the kingdom from there.

Perhaps this is your call, too.

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This Is The Call of Jael

Jael was the Kenite woman whom God used to deliver Israel by moving her away from her tribe into Canaanite territory. She ended up killing the Canaanite commander, Sisera, with a common tent peg when he fled to her tent while retreating from battle. Exhausted, he mistook her hospitality for alliance and fell asleep.

Jael was not someone who was considered influential, however, her role was pivotal because her house was not only an ally of Israel, but also abided in peace with the Canaanite King Jabin. This set up ultimately satisfied a prophecy that promised the commander would be delivered into a woman’s hands.

I imagine Jael being one who was the wife of a craftsman that was accustomed to meeting and greeting all kinds of people in order to support her husband’s trade. She became the heroine of Israel because she was courageous enough to break all the rules to seize an opportunity that presented itself in her own tent.

At the heart of any in church leadership is this very courage.

For the Jaels, the ones who have been set apart but for so long have felt isolated because the Lord positioned you away from your “tribe” and now you are struggling with doubt.

Be encouraged! Although you don’t know why just now, you will soon enough find that there is a very good reason God separated you from the rest and sent you into enemy territory to make camp!
While you wait, learn all you can about the specific arena that the Lord has given you and then He will give you the strategy to conquer the enemy in it as well as the blueprint to build the part He has made you responsible for.
Trust the Lord with your process, and though you may feel otherwise, you really are not alone. God has positioned you for such as time as this! Keep going!

The Lesson On Exclusion

I believe that many times, it’s the Jaels who feel excluded from leadership circles, in general, because their God-given blueprint to build feels foreign compared to their counterparts, or perhaps unrecognized by them. Perhaps that is why there are so many Jaels out there who still feel lost after God pulled them outside of religion into the land of the enemy to serve Him. There honestly isn’t much support out there for them.

This is why the Jael conference was extraordinary to me. This first-of-its-kind meeting provided community in an intimate setting for the Jaels’ who are having to live on the outside of religious protocol in order to do the hard thing that the Lord has asked them to do.

A typical conference has a venue and special accommodations for the guest speakers, or perhaps not even that, and then the attendees are absolutely kept separate except during the designated times. (I feel like I am rambling…going to have to take a break and come back to it.)

This conference threw that whole framework out the window and introduced a new super power into the body of Christ.

Communion.

The oxford dictionary defines the word communion as meaning:

“the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.”

Finding Connection

So, what was it that made this experience extraordinary?

From my vantage point as an attendee:

It looked like sisterhood: From the moment my flight landed here in Orlando, my fellow Jael sisters who had been waiting for me, even though we had never met in person and only associated online, instantly connected as if we were having a family reunion and had known each other all of our lives. This type of connection is rare where I come from and because it was so organic all throughout the conference to connect on this level with everyone I came in contact with, for the first time in my life, I genuinely felt comfortable in my own skin.

Next, It looked like alliance: I was astounded to learn that many, if not all, of the other Jael attendees actually had a different piece to the same puzzle the Lord had given me a piece of; something I previously felt made me alienated from the rest because it took me outside of the traditional church landscape and leadership stereotype. As I learned of where the Lord sent each woman, I discovered that we all fit together in one way or another. Knowing this refueled my fire to burn brighter than ever and gave me the fresh resolve I needed to continue to press forward.

While sitting at this very table just a few nights ago, around me sat women of all walks of life and position, all full of liveliness and so much love, I had to sit back and relish the moment and thank the Lord that I was just included. I imagined that sitting around this table with them might have been similar to what it might have looked like when Jesus and His 12 ate their meals together. My position within the body was revealed and validated in that moment, simply because I was in the presence of other Jael women. It is an honor to be here.

And finally, It looked like family: This conference was not ordinary.

The hosts, guest speakers and the attendees all shared everything.

We slept together under the same roof, dined together at the same table, worshipped together, as a tribe; the hosts, guest speakers, and attendees together as one. And for those of us who aren’t returning home this morning because of later or next day flights, we will have the treat of attending a baby dedication, the perfect end to a much-needed respite from the reality of being in the trenches.

This unusual approach presents a side of leadership that is not often seen, but is sorely needed in order for the body to mature properly.

Vulnerability.

Something had to shift in me when the reality hit that I was not only going to be sleeping in the same Airbnb as the host, but share close quarters with one of the guest speakers. I have to admit; I squirmed quite a bit on that first night. I did not want to be caught being the last one in the room with someone I felt was so far above me in rank, for fear I would make an absolute fool of myself.

I think we are so accustomed to separating ourselves according to rank that when rank was removed and I was able to just be peers and friends with other leaders for just a little while, it came as a shock at first and I didn’t quite know what to do with myself with a level playing field. What I will say is that the ability to let my guard down to see that we aren’t all that different, was like medicine to my heart and for the first time, I felt whole as a leader, but more importantly, validated as a woman among other women.

There were a lot of firsts for me when I made this trip. My first flight. My first time in another state without my family.

My first time being invited to anything exclusive. My first time doing something special for myself that I had only previously dreamed of doing. I went crazy and splurged on things that I usually reason myself out of, new clothes, makeup, flew first class, made sure that I had the pocket money to participate in excursions, all of which I had never experienced before. For the first time, I really made it a point to treat myself well in order to gain the full experience of this important trip. Perhaps I over-prepared for every possible outcome just so I could be presentable when I felt so inadequate. But, being in this atmosphere of “family-over-rank” proved that none of that was as important as just being among other women who just “got me”.

This is something I will carry with me as I continue to press forward into the arena that the Lord has called me.

I am not alone.

A New Community

We need to normalize community like this within the body of Christ, especially for emerging leaders. One where we can let our hair down with one another and connect on a personal level, with those who are perhaps more mature or seasoned in their call, even if only annually to refuel and refresh our spirits in the presence of those who form our tribe. I feel like a piece of me was missing until I attended this event. That piece called community is absolutely necessary to experience the fullness of Christ.

To the Jael’s who are struggling to make sense of their call to break camp from the familiar and move into enemy territory to build and now find yourself trying to navigate the ministry trenches alone… To all the Jaels who find themselves equipped with what seems like only hospitality and a tent peg and you aren’t even sure how those two things work together — Come find your tribe.

You are not alone.

Let’s connect so we can take out the enemy and build the kingdom together, shall we?